mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
