you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
