just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
