he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
