i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
