I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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