No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
