During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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