Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
