my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
