Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
