You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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