First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
