so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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