Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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