Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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