it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
