youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
