While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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