well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
