my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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