I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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