respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
