i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
