Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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