me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
