I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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