Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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