I think my fart just growled at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
