Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
