My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I smell like Dick and happiness
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