I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
