i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
