I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
