Umm I'm too high to move.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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