Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
