Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
