a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
