my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
