4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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