i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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