Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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