Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
