using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
