why didn't you poke me back
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
