FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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