I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
