Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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