I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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