we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
