I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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