I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
