Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
