Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
