His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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