i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize