every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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