I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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