Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
