mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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