I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
