and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize