WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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