how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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