I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
