Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
