We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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