Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
