Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
