The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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