I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
