Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize